What would you do if you knew you were going to die?

Not in the, one day, sometime. Maybe surrounded by your loved ones, maybe in the glory of battle.

No. In two minutes when the ritual was complete and you were used as the human conduit to summon the Avatar of Woe.

Kneeling down, head bowed I could feel the magic rising. The chanting of the acolytes in a ring around me were droning on, I could almost fool myself that it was the usual evening prayers being rung out.

Almost.

The scented oils anointing my face and hands started to burn. This was the right thing to do. It had to be. The war had been raging for decades, countless lives were lost in the meat grinder known as the Red Line.

Where both armies never gave an inch and sacrificed everything for it.

So much magic had been used on both sides during the war the world felt thin. Great atrocities had been committed in the name of winning.

Winning.

What did that even mean?

We were taught to hate the Synog, they were barbaric, they wanted nothing but our utter destruction.

Ever since being chosen as the sacrifice, the honour, I found myself thinking heretical thoughts.

Didn’t we want nothing but their utter destruction? What we did in war, was not that barbaric? Could I be sure that we were on the side of good. Is that even a thing?

I kept these thoughts to myself, I was so sure that given time I could figure it out. Kneeling here, the oils now etching into my skin and glowing in spirals and terrifying arcane marks, time was something I did not have.

The trembling come back and the chanting was reaching a horrifying crescendo. The polished marble floor started to radiate cracks from my seated form. The pressure mounting, the sounds, the pain, the smells, it was getting too much. My head felt like it was going to burst, I needed release.

Opening my mouth to scream I realised in horror that I had no control over my voice. Trying to move, I had lost control of that too. I was in a prison of my own flesh. The air in front of me shimmered and tears in the very fabric of space started to appear.

Colours started streaming and flickering, darting through like probing, hungry fingers.

Searching.

Seeking.

Struggling to breath, struggling to scream they came closer until they made contact with the etchings on my skin. Like a whip they all found me at once.

I was connected by a growing tunnel of colours flashing in and out of existence, the chanting almost orgasmic in nature, wild and raw, filling my ears.

A ripping sound like reality itself was being sundered and crying in pain and then, silence.

Complete and utter silence.

In front of me, gently floating in the air, the Avatar of Woe.

Time stood still.

I tried to comprehend what I saw.

My brain could not see all of her. It felt like it had given up and was just rendering the closest approximation to what it thought existed in the space before me.

She did not belong in this reality.

She was gorgeous.

Glorious.

Four massive steel tipped wings lazily flapping behind her, the burnished white and black armour hugging her figure, the blade gripped lightly in one hand reaching all the way to floor.

Her eyes. Glowing gold. Empty and yet full of promise and pain stared at me.

“Child.”

Her soft voice emptied my head of all thought except for her words.

“Why am I summoned?”

Slowly the destruction that her words had cause passed and I was able to construct a thought.

Revenge.

I opened my mouth to speak the words that had been drilled into me my entire life.

“I give myself to you, to allow your manifestation into this world. To follow the will of the Council in all things. This I do willingly and of my own free will.”

Those were the words.

I had practised them so often I knew them better than my own name.

The Avatar of Woe floated in the air, an almost gleeful look on her face as she watched me struggle with the words.

“Child. We are in no hurry.” Her honeyed voice wrapped me up and made me feel warm. Her wings gently stirring the air around me.

I had been taught that they could only hold the portal open for a short amount of time so I needed to be quick with the words. Was she lying? A part of me roused itself and spat in my mind “Who cares? You are going to be dead anyway.”

Managing to raise my eyes from her steel toed shoes that still somehow looked dainty on her slender legs I met her gaze.

“How long do we have, o Avatar of Woe?” I asked in the lilting voice I had been taught to use.

This floating Goddess stared at me before cracking a smile “We have as long as you want Child.” She paused “Also, knock off that ‘o Avatar’ crap. You can call me Selene.”

Looking around at the frozen figures making up the circle I tried to understand what was happening.

“Ahhh Selene?” My voice croaked out compared to her silky smooth tones. “I thought we had to make the deal as soon as you arrived in this world?”

Her smile widened “Let me guess.” She gracefully gestured with the tip of one of her four wings at the old priests in the circle “They told you that?”

I nodded.

“It’s always the same.” She continued “Every time I am summoned, it is never the old men giving up their life as a conduit, they raise some impressionable young thing to think it is their destiny or something.”

That traitorous part in the back of my mind was laughing with glee “I knew it! I knew it! I told you! Those old fuckers lied about everything!”

My mind was struggling, it felt like it was going to shatter. I couldn’t handle this.

I had to ask, I was still not sure what else I was going to do.“They want you to destroy the Synog. Could you do that?”

The Avata…Selene hung there gently smiling at me for a beat before asking “Is that what they wanted Child?”

Frowning I brought the words I had been taught back to mind.

“Well” I said slowly “Not exactly, the words just ask that you follow the will of the council.”

She nodded along like a patient teacher.

Letting the traitorous part of my mind take over as I couldn’t even think these thoughts properly it gleeful run my mouth.

“No. They never specified you do anything except be their slave.”

Selene grinned at me.

“Child, can I show you something?”

I nodded. What choice did I really have here? I had just finished nodding when I felt the world slipping away from me, a jarring feeling struck and I found myself standing next to Selene in a grand throne room.

Six ornate thrones set on a dais in a palatial room.

The Council room. It looked different from what I had been told, I had never seen it in person of course. Almost no one was allowed in.

Once I had a moment and my eyes could wander, it started to feel wrong, different. That was when I saw the crest directly overhead. It was built into the ceiling in burnished gold and gems.

The twin headed ibis of Synog.

“It looks just like ours!” I exclaimed.

Selene just floated there.

Where was the barbarism? Where were the sacrificial altars that they used? Everyone knew the stories, the Synog killed not just their enemies but sacrificed they own for more power.

….just like you?

I felt that in my soul.

I looked over at Selene and cleared my throat. “Can I ask you something Selene?”

She didn’t turn to face me, her wings lazily moving the air. “Of course Child.”

“This war. Who actually started it?”

“Does it matter Child?”

Of course it mattered! Didn’t it?

Selene continued “I have watched your two countries for a long time now. The best and brightest being sent to the Red Line. Year after year, nothing changes. It is always the same.” She shrugged. “Does it matter who started it?”

I thought, really tried to think however the well worn channels of my mind, carved there by years of repetitive training as an acolyte made it difficult.

The traitorous part of my mind was howling, scrabbling for attention. I tried to relax into meditation and let that piece of me work.

I don’t know how long the two of us were there in silence before I knew what I needed to ask.

“Selene. Who keeps this war going?”

Selene gently turned in the air to face me.

“Now Child, that is a better question.”

She gestured to the thrones. “It is always the old people who dream up wars, it is never their place to die in them. That is left for the young.”

That struck me like a fist.

“Selene.” I tried to clear my throat “Selene, could I ask you to instead of leashing yourself to the council..” I paused and couldn’t help but look around before continuing in a very small voice “could you destroy both councils?”

The grin on Selenes face begun small and grew “Of course Child. It will mean your own death though.”

“Do you think that will stop the war Selene?”

She was still grinning “Oh no Child, nothing is as simple as that. If you wanted to stop the War you could ask me to destroy ever citizen of Synog.”

My training salivated at that thought. That is how I now knew it was not the right thing to do.

“Selene, I don’t just want to stop this war, I want it to never happen again.”

She nodded slowly at me, sadly “I am sorry Child, even I cannot do what you want, I cannot change Human behaviour.”

I thought back on my life, of the never ending repetitive days spent in the Halls of Truth as an acolyte. Wait.

“Selene, do you listen our prays?”

“I cannot hear them Child. I do not belong here.”

I trembled. I couldn’t control it and started to shake violently. My mind was blank and clear though.

“O Avatar of Woe.” I swallowed but my voice kept going without any real input from me. “I give myself to you, to allow your manifestation into this world. To destroy all Council Members and all leaders of the Halls. Both Synog and ours. This I do willingly and of my own free will.”

Selene just looked at me.

Time stretched. I was just opening my mouth to ask if I had made a mistake when I was interrupted.

In a peeling, ringing voice that filled every crevice in the air Selene responded.

“The agreement is made.”

I managed to find my voice again, still shaking “Do you think this will help?”

Selene smiled again “It will stop the war Child, for how long I cannot say.”

She reached a hand out towards me and I felt myself growing thin.

She continued as I was almost gone. “I am not sure what is going to happen however you have given this world a second chance.”

Just before I disappeared I realised, the traitorous part of my mind which was always yelling or screaming or sulking for attention.

Was quiet.

I was finally at peace.